I realize I haven't posted in a long time, so I was just wanting to give a shout out to everyone and say I love you all! =) Happy Thanksgiving, I'm very thankful for all of my friends on the Internet, my animals, my acting career, my hair (sorry if that sounds vain) and wikiHow. Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!
December (June)
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
What to do when you're on your last nerve
Sometimes, life seems too hopeless to go on. It has seemed that way for me, for a very long time, and it feels like you're in a never ending thing...Something that sucks you in and doesn't let you out, until you go crazy and pry your way out. Some people have gotten into that, and they unfortunately let the monster win. I'm one of those people who gets sucked in, but am looking for a way out. I'm not going to let this thing win.
I've thought too many times about how I can give up, how I can let this thing suck me into its black hole. I've thought about death so many times, and I've know that it's not the solution. I want it to be the solution at times, I've said to myself "you're worthless", "You're nothing important", and the like. There's something inside of your head telling you that. And you're thinking..."It's true. Nothing makes sense, everything's hopeless. ...It's too late. I can't go on any further."
I just realized this past month, that I was wrong. And it's a hard thing to say for me. You're going to let the monster inside of you take control of you? Because that's what I did, and that's what I'm doing. But I'm working on not letting it take control of me, and it's loosening its grip. I feel like I'm worth something. Like I am going to make it, even after people have told me I can't.
This past month has been one of the hardest in my life. I've tried suicide for a long time, again and again, thinking why I was still on this Earth. Late October, I tried it again...And went to the hospital. When I got out, I went on an Internet Relay Chat (IRC) and told a friend about it. I told him even after I've tried so many times to die, I can't. I was actually planning another way to die. But I realized to myself "I've done this so many times...Something has to be worth something to let me still be here." And I then knew I needed help.
I am part of an online community. The people there are some of the best people in the world I believe. If I didn't have them, I'd be dead. Literally, dead. They're the reason I'm alive. They are the reason I am strong right now.
It's been a few weeks and the pain is still here, and it's not going away. I've pretended to be happy, everywhere. I thought that people wouldn't leave me alone if I showed my emotions. But I then knew I was wrong to do that. I've kept my feelings inside long enough, and there's nothing wrong with telling people you're hurting. It makes you stronger; it helps you build as a community. And as a second family, they're always there for me.
There are still times where I think no one is there for me. Tonight as I'm writing this, I feel like I'm not wanted. I don't know why, I just feel lost. But I have to remember they're there for me. I can ask for their help and they'll always be there. I've chatted with people who have told me that they have no one. They think they were a mistake, just like me, and I know they probably don't have the support like I do. To them, I want to say that it's not true. You have support, you just need to be brave and ask for help. There's no shame in doing so; your life's important. And I just figured that out.
Sorry for the long post, and there's plenty more. I know I haven't posted in a long time, and that's not going to continue. I hope to overcome my troubles with you guys, and if any of you need to talk, please know that people care. Reach out and they will help you. Overcome the monster inside of you, don't let it take your life.
December
I've thought too many times about how I can give up, how I can let this thing suck me into its black hole. I've thought about death so many times, and I've know that it's not the solution. I want it to be the solution at times, I've said to myself "you're worthless", "You're nothing important", and the like. There's something inside of your head telling you that. And you're thinking..."It's true. Nothing makes sense, everything's hopeless. ...It's too late. I can't go on any further."
I just realized this past month, that I was wrong. And it's a hard thing to say for me. You're going to let the monster inside of you take control of you? Because that's what I did, and that's what I'm doing. But I'm working on not letting it take control of me, and it's loosening its grip. I feel like I'm worth something. Like I am going to make it, even after people have told me I can't.
This past month has been one of the hardest in my life. I've tried suicide for a long time, again and again, thinking why I was still on this Earth. Late October, I tried it again...And went to the hospital. When I got out, I went on an Internet Relay Chat (IRC) and told a friend about it. I told him even after I've tried so many times to die, I can't. I was actually planning another way to die. But I realized to myself "I've done this so many times...Something has to be worth something to let me still be here." And I then knew I needed help.
I am part of an online community. The people there are some of the best people in the world I believe. If I didn't have them, I'd be dead. Literally, dead. They're the reason I'm alive. They are the reason I am strong right now.
It's been a few weeks and the pain is still here, and it's not going away. I've pretended to be happy, everywhere. I thought that people wouldn't leave me alone if I showed my emotions. But I then knew I was wrong to do that. I've kept my feelings inside long enough, and there's nothing wrong with telling people you're hurting. It makes you stronger; it helps you build as a community. And as a second family, they're always there for me.
There are still times where I think no one is there for me. Tonight as I'm writing this, I feel like I'm not wanted. I don't know why, I just feel lost. But I have to remember they're there for me. I can ask for their help and they'll always be there. I've chatted with people who have told me that they have no one. They think they were a mistake, just like me, and I know they probably don't have the support like I do. To them, I want to say that it's not true. You have support, you just need to be brave and ask for help. There's no shame in doing so; your life's important. And I just figured that out.
Sorry for the long post, and there's plenty more. I know I haven't posted in a long time, and that's not going to continue. I hope to overcome my troubles with you guys, and if any of you need to talk, please know that people care. Reach out and they will help you. Overcome the monster inside of you, don't let it take your life.
December
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